The Aftermath

It's been three days since my wipe-out, and I am so DONE with it! I'm stiff, sore, leaky; and frustrated. I'm one of those people who likes to move really quickly - I walk fast, I take the stairs instead of elevators, I park far away from wherever I'm going because I like walking. I move a lot and I tend to move quickly. Yesterday at work I parked in the visitor parking, hobbled into the lobby like a little old lady, and took the elevator up ONE FLOOR.... Augh!!! All day it was hobble to the printer, hobble to the restroom; hobble to the cafeteria. It was aggravating. I tried to use the Tegaderm bandages but a couple of my scrapes were a bit too juicy so I had to go back to the gauze/pressure bandages... I dumped them halfway through the day and left my elbow unwrapped (which both repulsed and fascinated my co-workers) and put some regular bandages on my knee. As soon as I got home I unwrapped them all and tried the Tegaderm again. I like those bandages because they're light, flexible and not bulky at all. I'm determined to keep them on, even though I'm... Leaky.

Last year I learned that - for myself anyway - anything I do physically is at least 75% mental. My body is like a horse just waiting for instructions on how hard to work. My mind is the thing that sets limitations. Of course, my body speaks up if it's being worked TOO hard - but in the past I never even came close to pushing any physical boundaries. Last year I did and my body responded. I had some issues with a tendon in the back of my right leg and some arch pain in both feet, but other than that - my body responded. The things my body accomplished gave my mind the confidence to keep moving forward.

Now that I'm experiencing a set-back in my momentum, my mind is having some doubt. Even though this wipe-out was not due to any type of failure on my part (the thing I did wrong was not turn back when I first realized how bad the trail conditions were) my mind is still a little shaken. When I think about falling again, I don't feel any fear or anything like that - the fall itself wasn't so bad. It's the aftermath. Having to slow down and think about what happened, and wondering if I'll actually be able to accomplish everything I want to accomplish this year. I'm almost starting to feel that doubt that has always curtailed me in the past - that fear of not being able to become more than I already am; to not be able to break through barriers that are holding me back. I know I'm not getting any younger, but I feel determined to not let that be a factor. It takes a little longer for me to get conditioned and I know I can't hold my own with people in their 20's - but I don't care about that. What I want for myself is to do well, and then do better. I need my mind to believe that I CAN do that, or else I'm already set up for failure. Last year I did well - this year I want to do better.

So I'll lie low for a while, take some time to let these bruises and nasty, leaky scrapes heal. As soon as my joints can bend without pain I'll start working out again: I will walk, then I will run, and then I will skate: but first I'll wait for the snow to melt and the sweepers to groom the trails!! I'll read about what my skater friends are doing, and their accomplishments will fuel my ambition and desire to accomplish things as well. My body will heal. And so will my mind...

... and so will my skates... I'm lucky the damage to them was minimal!