Like just about everyone else I know, I have always struggled with my diet. When I was a kid, I would spend my allowance money on candy and sodas. I have fond memories of hanging out with my friends, eating giant bars of taffy, Snickers, 3 Musketeers, and Hostess pastries all washed down with sugary sodas... I also ate a lot of fast food and processed snacks. Not surprisingly, I was a pretty chunky adolescent who eventually 'leaned out' in high school. My diet, however - did not. I ate a steady stream of candy, soda, and fast food. In my late teen years I had a period of time where I had a bit of an eating disorder (binge eating) but that's some nasty stuff that I would prefer not to talk about.
Like many people, food is not just about nourishing and fueling my body. It's about reward, and comfort, and satisfying things other than a rumbling in my stomach. For example, the sight of a Big Mac brings back memories of a really fun summer and almost makes me want to eat one 'just for old time's sake' - and that right there is where the brain gets involved in a digestive matter it has no business influencing. When I'm depressed I crave sweets - primarily chocolate; because of the Dopamine boost. In the winter I crave heavy comfort foods, because of the memories tied to the savory smells and flavors. When I'm stressed I graze, usually on things like Cheetos or minature chocolate bars. Even my coffee addiction has ties to the brain - memories of mornings spent quietly sipping a cup of coffee with my mom.
Re-wiring your brain to view food as fuel and consciously nourishing your body with quality foods that it genuinely needs - things like lean proteins, the 'good' fat, vegetables, and 'clean' carbohydrates - is incredibly difficult. The brain can be like a spoiled child when it doesn't get it's way. I had a stressful day on Friday and to placate a demand for something sweet I instead ate a small handful of raw almonds. My brain threw a temper tantrum and eventually I gave it something sweet to shut it up. That then triggered a feeling of failure and the cycle continued on. I know the key to success in any type of change is repetition until the change becomes a habit. I managed to get to a point where I no longer eat fast food or drink soda, and when I do eat or drink these things now my body feels like crap. My brain seems to have accepted this so when I do start thinking about 'maybe' I'm reminded of how I will feel later. (Sluggish, lethargic, with digestive distress. Yeah. I'll pass.)
I consider this to be a major win, and that is why I feel so frustrated with my current food struggles - primarily my reliance upon sugar. I am not sure what I did or how I did it - but one day I just stopped eating out and drinking soda. I can't even remember my reasons why; I'm guessing it was weight related. I hear people telling me to 'have a cheat day' so I don't feel like I'm denying myself, but to me, that's rewarding yourself for doing something that you should be doing anyway. If I go 6 days without eating any sweets and then on the 7th day I allow myself a piece of pie - guess what? That opens a door for me. It's my cheat day! Why not throw a bacon cheeseburger with a chocolate shake in there for good measure?? Why not... It just doesn't work for me. I need to re-wire my brain to see that a handful of raw almonds is just as rewarding as a brownie.. (Good luck with that, right?)
I had a good friend compare the sugar addiction to that of alcoholism; alcoholics don't get a cheat day, so why should a person who is breaking a sugar addiction? She has been fairly successful in re-wiring her brain and knew exactly how many sweet items she'd consumed in the past 3 months. (Four. How can you possibly say no to birthday cake??) I tried the cold turkey thing and that was epic failure. Right now, I'm doing baby steps. I haven't bought any new flavored coffee creamers so once it's gone, it's gone. I have skim milk and sugar in the raw and I am sincerely hoping that eventually my brain and my mouth will adapt to the new texture and flavor.
What it all boils down to is making choices and paying attention to the reasons why we make the choices we make. No one else can teach my brain that 'it tastes good' isn't a good enough reason for me to choose to eat a cheeseburger over grilled chicken. Or that I don't need to eat a bag of jelly beans while I read a book because 'that's what I always do'. I have to consciously make the choice to ignore the cupcakes on the snack table even though my co-workers are making noises of pure pleasure as they consume them (the bastards.) This is my body, my life - and my health. If I want it, I have to earn it. My body is on board, now to pursuade my brain...
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