Why I Love To Skate

As race season looms and I find myself stressing over whether or not I'll be ready for the Texas Road Rash in time, [and trying to reconcile my extreme reluctance to commit to indoor skating,] I figured I'd better take a minute to refresh my memory as to WHY I love to skate.

From the moment I strapped on my very first pair of skates and took to the trails like a duck on a pond; I have been hooked. As I fly along the trails, smelling the fresh air mixed with sweat and sunscreen; tasting the raspberry-lemonade lip balm I wear, feeling the sunshine on my skin, hearing my favorite songs in one ear and the soothing swishing sound of my wheels in the other - I am truly at peace. No other type of motion satisfies all of my senses like skating does. I feel my muscles burn and flex, I hear the sound of my breath, I feel the pounding of my heart: and I feel alive.

There are many components to the complete definition of my passion - it's not just about strapping on the skates and going. I have a whole ritual that I do prior to and upon completion of a skate. It's as much a part of my workout as the actual skate itself, and I find a lot of comfort in the whole routine. While out on my skate, I experience a very heightened sense of awareness, I'm completely in the moment - participating in being a part of the world and not just watching it go by. I feel very connected to nature and to myself.

I think that is probably why I can't really get myself stoked for skating indoors. While I had a good time when I did go, and I think the people I skated with are great - it just wasn't the same experience for me. I had fun but at the same time, it felt like work. I always told myself that the minute skating went from being fun to being work then it was time to seriously re-evaluate what I was doing. Being indoors skating in circles may help me gain some better skating skills; but that's just not good enough for me. My senses are not engaged enough and I need that. I think that may be another reason I decided not to do the Metrodome marathon - I would just rather be outside!

February will be over in 13 days and March is usually when my skate season really begins. Part of my little routine is anticipating the colder days and shorter evenings - racing against the setting sun, avoiding the patches of ice and feeling like a little kid having play time after school. I'm so ready for it....

And as for racing, well, as long as it stays fun as I really get into competing then I will be okay. I guess I need to remind myself not to stress over it and just get out there and enjoy the overall experience: rather than focusing on the numbers.

Why do I skate? To experience this:

And this...

... and this...

And this... 

And even this! (Skating in January!)

Skating is definitely my happy place and the great outdoors is where it's at....

Food as Nourishment vs. Food as Reward

Like just about everyone else I know, I have always struggled with my diet. When I was a kid, I would spend my allowance money on candy and sodas. I have fond memories of hanging out with my friends, eating giant bars of taffy, Snickers, 3 Musketeers, and Hostess pastries all washed down with sugary sodas... I also ate a lot of fast food and processed snacks. Not surprisingly, I was a pretty chunky adolescent who eventually 'leaned out' in high school. My diet, however - did not. I ate a steady stream of candy, soda, and fast food. In my late teen years I had a period of time where I had a bit of an eating disorder (binge eating) but that's some nasty stuff that I would prefer not to talk about.

Like many people, food is not just about nourishing and fueling my body. It's about reward, and comfort, and satisfying things other than a rumbling in my stomach. For example, the sight of a Big Mac brings back memories of a really fun summer and almost makes me want to eat one 'just for old time's sake' - and that right there is where the brain gets involved in a digestive matter it has no business influencing. When I'm depressed I crave sweets - primarily chocolate; because of the Dopamine boost. In the winter I crave heavy comfort foods, because of the memories tied to the savory smells and flavors. When I'm stressed I graze, usually on things like Cheetos or minature chocolate bars. Even my coffee addiction has ties to the brain - memories of mornings spent quietly sipping a cup of coffee with my mom.

Re-wiring your brain to view food as fuel and consciously nourishing your body with quality foods that it genuinely needs - things like lean proteins, the 'good' fat, vegetables, and 'clean' carbohydrates - is incredibly difficult. The brain can be like a spoiled child when it doesn't get it's way. I had a stressful day on Friday and to placate a demand for something sweet I instead ate a small handful of raw almonds. My brain threw a temper tantrum and eventually I gave it something sweet to shut it up. That then triggered a feeling of failure and the cycle continued on. I know the key to success in any type of change is repetition until the change becomes a habit. I managed to get to a point where I no longer eat fast food or drink soda, and when I do eat or drink these things now my body feels like crap. My brain seems to have accepted this so when I do start thinking about 'maybe' I'm reminded of how I will feel later. (Sluggish, lethargic, with digestive distress. Yeah. I'll pass.)

I consider this to be a major win, and that is why I feel so frustrated with my current food struggles - primarily my reliance upon sugar. I am not sure what I did or how I did it - but one day I just stopped eating out and drinking soda. I can't even remember my reasons why; I'm guessing it was weight related. I hear people telling me to 'have a cheat day' so I don't feel like I'm denying myself, but to me, that's rewarding yourself for doing something that you should be doing anyway. If I go 6 days without eating any sweets and then on the 7th day I allow myself a piece of pie - guess what? That opens a door for me. It's my cheat day! Why not throw a bacon cheeseburger with a chocolate shake in there for good measure?? Why not... It just doesn't work for me. I need to re-wire my brain to see that a handful of raw almonds is just as rewarding as a brownie.. (Good luck with that, right?)

I had a good friend compare the sugar addiction to that of alcoholism; alcoholics don't get a cheat day, so why should a person who is breaking a sugar addiction? She has been fairly successful in re-wiring her brain and knew exactly how many sweet items she'd consumed in the past 3 months. (Four. How can you possibly say no to birthday cake??) I tried the cold turkey thing and that was epic failure. Right now, I'm doing baby steps. I haven't bought any new flavored coffee creamers so once it's gone, it's gone. I have skim milk and sugar in the raw and I am sincerely hoping that eventually my brain and my mouth will adapt to the new texture and flavor.

What it all boils down to is making choices and paying attention to the reasons why we make the choices we make. No one else can teach my brain that 'it tastes good' isn't a good enough reason for me to choose to eat a cheeseburger over grilled chicken. Or that I don't need to eat a bag of jelly beans while I read a book because 'that's what I always do'. I have to consciously make the choice to ignore the cupcakes on the snack table even though my co-workers are making noises of pure pleasure as they consume them (the bastards.) This is my body, my life - and my health. If I want it, I have to earn it. My body is on board, now to pursuade my brain...

Me vs. The Wagon

I've probably mentioned before how much I envy people who are able to stick to the commitment that a healthy lifestyle demands. Me personally? I'm an on again, off again kind of gal... I'll get on board, get used to eating clean and working out - then something will knock me off. Maybe it's the hormone flux that demands to be fed creamy treats, or it's stress at work that makes me polish off a bag of cheetos without even realizing it; ('where the heck did all of this orange powder come from???') or maybe it's just the winter blahs that steal my motivation and turn me into a sloth. Whatever the reason [excuse] it is frustrating as hell.

One thing that knocks me off the nutrition wagon is good ol' boredom. I get stuck in a cooking rut and get burned out. It becomes so much simpler to eat out, order in; fatten up. I try really hard to avoid preparing overly processed foods at home (stuff like hamburger helper - gag) but eating out isn't any better. You simply cannot know what you are putting into your body unless you prepare it yourself... I lose sight of this simple fact quite easily... (And when I stop to really think about it, I get a little queasy...)

But my biggest downfall is sweets. I'm completely okay living without deep fried, fatty foods. I can live without pizza or pasta or bread. I'd have a little trouble giving up tortilla chips and salsa; but I can live without potato chips. Whenever I review my diet to see where the heck I'm screwing up; it's usually something sweet. I've noticed recently that I've become quite addicted to flavored coffee creamers. Because they are so delicious, I've started drinking more coffee. I'm up to 4-5 cups per DAY.

So lets say the average flavored creamer serving size is a tablespoon. In that tiny little amount, you have 35 calories, 5 grams carb, 2 grams of fat, and 5 grams of sugar. I usually dump 2-3 tablespoons per cup. So if I've had 5 cups of coffee, I've consumed 175 calories, 25 grams of carbs, 10 grams of fat; and 25 grams of sugar: JUST from the damn coffee creamer... That is a LOT of crap to be taking in with absolutely NO nutritional value! It's all mental and it's a vicious cycle. This is what I've noticed - I get a caffeine/sugar high; followed by a crash. I feed in more sugar/caffeine and ride the cycle again: crash harder. I've been feeling like shit lately. No wonder I don't have any energy to work out!

So. I have caught back up with the wagon. I've realized once again that I have to pay attention to what I'm putting into my body - I can't just randomly eat. I'm back to tracking my meals on myfitnesspal.com, focusing on eating quality proteins, carbs, and vegetables while keeping my sugar intake as low as possible. This morning I had 1 1/2 cups of coffee w/ non-fat half and half and sugar in the raw. It wasn't nearly as delicious as the flavored creamer but my taste buds will adapt.

I have race season coming up. I have set some pretty lofty goals. In the months ahead I will be placing demands on my body that I cannot possibly expect it to live up to unless I give it what it needs to perform. Nutrition. Vitamins. Water. Exercise. Sleep....

Below is a photo of one of my role models; Debbie Rice. She is amazing. If I ever look half as good as she does in a skinsuit then I'll wear one to work!! :)



Yesterday I lifted weights and began tweaking my diet. Today is day 2...

Let it snow...

A week ago, I was out skating in shorts and a t-shirt. Today we have about 2 feet of snow outside... So I got outside to snowshoe around the neighborhood!

It took over 40 minutes to do a walk that usually takes me about 25. Snowshoeing is great exercise! It's fun, it gets you outside, and anyone can do it. If you can walk, you can snowshoe. Another great workout is running in the snow.

My boys were pretty worn out after this! :)

Texas Road Rash is in 78 days, I am hoping I get most of March to prepare for it. Until then, I'll do what I can! Hope everyone is having a great week!