Trying to Get Back on Track

First of all, Napa Valley was awesome! I skated hard and didn't hold back - I left it all out on that crazy, hilly course. When I was done, my legs were shaking so bad I had to just sort of stand still for a minute so I didn't lose my balance! That was MUCH better than the way I felt when I finished Apostle (like I still had a few miles left in me!) At first I was a bit disappointed in my time (1:40:51) because that seemed really slow. I skated Texas in 1:40:42, and that was 28 miles! I am guessing the slower time was because Napa was a very hilly course and some of those uphills were pretty brutal. When I was skating the course I guess I wasn't really aware of that - I was focused on maintaining a brisk pace and hoping I wouldn't end up skating alone.

Leading a pace line!!!

I started out in one pace line, then moved to a faster one - we started pretty strong but then ended up w/ just four of us. After the first full lap two of them dropped the line since they were skating the half. That left me and my friend Rich. We finished together, it definitely helped to take turns pulling even with just two of us. Also helped with the motivation. I was pretty excited to finish first in my age group!

Me and Rich

Sprinting towards the finish line!

Podium!!

The really great news is that I didn't have many foot issues! No foot-ball pain, no knee pain; no raw, torn up heels. I was SO HAPPY. (The only issue I had - and STILL have - is the pressure spot on my left inner ankle.) We had done a full heat mold the night before we left for CA - building out my problem areas w/ some gauze and tape. That seemed to help a lot as far as the toe box goes. I cannot figure out how to correct the pressure point on my ankle though.

For all intents and purposes, it looks like I'm having a really great season. I've placed in all 3 races I've done this year; 2nd twice and 1st at Napa. I have one more race (Northshore in September) then I'm done with races for this year. But instead of being completely jazzed by my successes and totally focused on training for Duluth; I'm having some issues that are distracting me. I have acid reflux REALLY BAD. It's not triggered by the foods I eat (I eat relatively clean) - I have a hiatal hernia along w/ a few other nasty issues. I also had an abnormal mammogram - not sure if what they found is cause for alarm but I am doing a follow up ultrasound on Tuesday with a possible biopsy of a lymph node in my armpit. I'll know more then if I need to be concerned about that issue. In the meantime, these two health issues along with extreme job stress have really affected my overall outlook and mood; the reflux makes me feel sick - not to mention it kills my appetite - so I don't eat enough to support my workouts. I feel very lethargic so then I don't workout; which in turn makes me feel even more frustrated and depressed. I have a follow up for that next month, I am worried about what my options will be.

I try so hard to take care of myself (through diet, exercise, etc) but some things are just out of my hands. Blame it on faulty genes but I guess I can't fix everything through clean eating, working out, and staying positive. I'm trying to remain upbeat but I just feel so tired. I feel like I've lost my passion, and it's all I can do just to get through each day. I still have a few things going on as far as the skating itself goes; but I'm tired of complaining about my foot issues, and still trying to figure out the fear issue. I can't tell if the fear stems from a fear of crashing, or not being able to stop quickly - or a combination of those two things. Either way, I am a very fearful skater right now. Could just be the lack of energy but who knows. I just hope I finish out this season with a strong race and hopefully some resolution. I just want to be strong and healthy. I just want to be passionate and upbeat. I just want to participate in my life to the absolute fullest - without constantly being derailed. I guess it's about the journey and not the destination - and this is just part of my journey. I sincerely hope my next entry is much,  much more positive!