A funny thing happened on the way to 2013...

So, I have been trying to come up with skating goals for 2013 - and I haven't been able to come up with anything. I finally figured out that it's because I have accomplished everything I set out to do with skating. I skated my first half marathon (Minnesota half, 2011). I skated my first full marathon (Northshore, 2011). I skated a race at the pro level (Texas Road Rash/Pro Master women; 2012). I skated over 1000 miles in a year (1380 in 2011, and 1165 in 2012.) I skated a marathon in under 90 minutes (Northshore, 2012 - 1:26). Along the way on this journey, I learned that I have no desire to skate at the pro level for several reasons; the main one being that I don't have the drive necessary to commit to the training. Second, I put too much pressure on myself, which totally takes the fun out of skating; and third - I've discovered that I'm actually kind of a wuss. I like to skate fast; but not TOO fast. I found my limits and I am comfortable with them. I realized that with skating, I am now at the maintenance level. This is totally cool - it actually makes me feel pretty excited for 2013 because I intend to have fun with it, with no pressure to perform at any certain level. I want to skate 2-4 races, and I will approach them seriously with every intention of skating as hard and as fast as I can. But I already know I can do this - so it's not really a goal. When I started this whole skating thing, my primary intention was to see how far I could go with it before it went from feeling like playtime to feeling like work. I hit that barrier and now I'm backing off from it. I never, ever wanted skating to feel like work. It's supposed to be my happy place, and last year I shed way too many tears over it. This year it's all about having fun.

Which brings me to now. Last year I started running for cross training. I was completing my weight workouts in about 30-40 minutes; but wanted to be spending at least 60-70 minutes at the gym. So I began doing 25-35 minutes of cardio prior to lifting weights. First it was walking, then running; mixed with the elliptical and the exercise bike. The more I ran, the more I began to actually like it. The first time I ran outside, I knew I had found something that had the potential to be an addiction. At the time however, I was transitioning into the 2012 skate season, so as soon as March/April hit - my primarily focus was skating. I was still running every once in awhile (and actually ran my first 5K in August) but my passion was skating. Once skate season started winding down (and I once again found myself dreading the winter 'off' season), I had the bright idea of setting some running goals to help get me through it. I have absolutely no desire to skate indoors, so I needed SOMETHING to keep me motivated. I'm pretty tired of the cycle of being active spring/summer/fall then turning into a sloth during the winter. I want to maintain throughout the year. Of course I have the added burden of depressive cycles pulling me down but dammit, I am determined to find a way to work through them! So, even with a coating of seasonal depression dragging me down; I ran my second 5K on Thanksgiving. That was a turning point for me. I ran it slow, but I ran it steady, without stopping. The euphoria I felt when I crossed the finish line was like a drug. I want to experience that again. Originally my goal was to do one 5K per month; but I have been running a 5K as my weight training warm ups. That didn't seem challenging enough. So I started thinking on it, and that's when the seeds started to take root and my fitness goals for 2013 emerged.... I am going to run a 7K, a 10K and a half marathon. The half marathon is on May 19th.

The really interesting thing is that when I shared this with everyone, some of my skate friends were pretty hard on me. This confused and disheartened me. I am not abandoning the sport. I love skating! I don't intend to take it to the next level, so why should I have to be aligned to just skating? Why can't I do both? - Or hell, what if I decide I want to cycle too? Or hike? Or anything else? Isn't the fact that I'm challenging myself and doing ANY type of physical activity positive and encouraging? You know, I have never been an athlete. NEVER. I flunked gym class every year and was taking a freshman gym class as a senior. I had to beg the teacher for a D- so I could graduate. I was on the girls basketball team in 8th grade for 2 games. (I sucked.) I tried to run track in 9th grade - I was out there for one day and the coach (not so kindly) suggested that track is probably not the thing for me.

I have always wanted to be an athlete, but I lacked the mental part of it: and it IS mostly mental. In fact, I remember watching Vision Quest back in 1985, and there's Louden Swain; out running in his little silver suit while Journey sings 'Only The Young'  -- and I wanted to BE Louden Swain. I made a cassette tape with that song and a few other fist pumping anthems, popped it into my Walkman; and went out for a run. It was probably about a 2 minute run - but I did it. Unfortunately, I lacked the wisdom to realize that I wouldn't be able to hit the street and BE Louden in one day. I didn't know that if I had stuck with it, 2 minutes would've stretched to 20, then 30; and beyond. I only saw how I did on that first attempt, and I gave up. And that became the theme for my life; until a couple of years ago - when I really picked up the skating. Skating has given me the confidence I needed to expand my horizons. But where skating is my playtime and makes me feel like a little kid: all happy and carefree - running clears my head and soothes my soul. When I'm running, I find the rhythmic cadence of my foot falls and breathing to be extremely calming. I feel serene. It's beautiful. When I'm done and covered in sweat; my head is clear and my body is spent: I feel accomplished. This feeling is what I strive for - it's why I will do this. I have finally learned that physical fitness is a wonderful side effect of the mental enrichment that exercise brings.

So, as I close out this entry, a week out from turning 42 and with the mental tenacity to embrace the 16 weeks of half marathon training ahead of me - I begin a new Vision Quest. I think I may start a new blog for anyone who wishes to tag along with me.