Venty blog with a triple shot of waaah.

I had a bad skate yesterday. I feel like whining. If you do not wish to 'hear' me whine, I suggest you stop reading right now.

I took 2 weeks off from working out - the week before Apostle and the week after. I did nothing. I am not sure why; I just didn't feel like doing anything. Yesterday was day one back on the horse: I put a fresh set of Street Fight wheels on my skates and headed out early to knock out a few miles. My plan was to play it by ear, skate distance based on how I felt. (We reached 104 degrees yesterday, so it was already pretty hot by the time I hit the trail...)

At first I took it easy because I didn't feel right. My legs were shaky and I felt weak. I focused on keeping a mellow, steady pace and tried to push through it. (My guess was that I didn't eat a sufficient breakfast...) I was skating with a water bottle full of coconut water (thanks to my friend Pat for that idea) and a small bottle of Gatorade. I also had a GU packet. On hot days I tend to go through my fluids pretty quickly, so I also use fluid levels as a gauge of when to turn around...

I passed a few bikes, had a pair of bikes behind me for a couple of miles and when they finally caught up to me the first guy informed me of my mph (18) and the second guy said he'd never seen anyone skate that fast... That was a total ego boost, I love it when cyclists say things like that. Personally I felt like I was slugging along slow as molasses so that was nice to hear. At this point I'm noticing a slight tingling in my feet but nothing that would indicate an issue. My legs in general don't feel 100% but I attributed this to a week of being a couch potato.

I turned around at about 12.5 miles. It was starting to get really hot, my fluids were getting low, and my heart wasn't in it. My body felt off. I started trekking back. At about mile 9 - my right foot decided it was not happy. I felt pressure on the 3rd and 4th toes and the ball of my foot started tingling like it was being attacked by a pissed off hoard of bees on a stinging spree. It sucked the breath right out of me. I debated stopping and taking the boot off, but I just wanted to get back to my truck. I just wanted to be DONE.

I tried all of the usual stuff - pushing my heels back, no toe flicking, and my form stayed pretty solid. I can tell when my form goes to hell because I tear up the backs of my heels. My heels felt fine. My form wasn't the issue. I counted down the miles... 4 more to go.... 3 more to go... With just over 2 miles left, I fell in behind a cyclist who was going kind of slow and stayed behind him. It was a good distraction and he didn't seem to mind. When we reached the round-about he turned off then looked back to see which was I was going. I was continuing on with just over one mile left. He gave me a wave, I waved back and continued on. One. More. Mile.

The last portion of my trail is really pretty. There are two lakes and the trail runs right between them. I usually enjoy the view, watch the birds, look at the mountains, and use that portion as my cool down. Not today. I just wanted it to be over. I came around the corner and all of a sudden it was gusty winds in my face. I couldn't help myself, I yelled 'really??' - at no one in particular... At this point my foot is on fire. My stomach is clenched with it and tears are pouring down my face. Stubbornly I push on, because I can SEE my truck. I'm ALMOST there. I want to throw up. I want to take my skates off and walk the rest of the way. I want it to be over.

I limped to my truck. I carefully removed my skates. My feet are swollen and painful - but my heels are perfect. No blisters, no hot spots. My form was fine. I ice my right foot and chug my recovery drink. I don't feel euphoric. I feel tired. Dejected. Disappointed. I hate my skates. I hate skating. I hate myself for feeling that way. I have a knot in the bottom of my right foot and it's tingling like crazy. Thankfully my left foot wasn't as bad. I head home...

My mind is racing with negativity. I review my past two races this year and realize that I'm not skating any faster than I did last year - in fact, I'm skating SLOWER! My mph average at the Minnesota half marathon (my first event) was 16.6 mph. At Northshore I averaged 17.2!! Both events skated on my K2's... This year skating on the Bonts: in Texas I averaged 16.5 mph and at Apostle I was at 16.1 mph.... That doesn't seem right. Is it me? Is it the skates?? What am I doing wrong?

I have a mantra imprinted in my brain that I have been trying to ignore and let go of. It goes 'some people are never meant to be any better than they are' - meaning that you hit a certain level and that's it: that's as far as you go. You don't break that barrier, you don't move forward. You have reached your potential, and even if it's not what you want and you think you should be better - that's it. That's as far as you go. I've been an underachiever my entire life; this mantra is ingrained. I hate it. I cannot figure out how to progress.

I sulked the rest of the day yesterday, but today is a new day. I'm going to throw my Bonts in the oven and do a full heat mold WITH socks on. I'm going to get out and skate tomorrow. I'm going to continue forward - no matter how reluctant I feel. I think I will take my friend Tom's advice and break out the K2's again for a change of pace. I'll skate Napa Valley on the Bonts but I think I need to put an expectation on myself. I need to have something to shoot for besides simply skating without pain....

Apostle Islands Inline Marathon - recap!

Lining up at Apostle

Wow, what a great weekend!!! I flew into Minneapolis on Thursday night; spent the night with my friend Susan, and started the journey to Bayfield, WI on Friday morning. We drove up through WI and it was a very enjoyable drive! We stopped in Ashland to pick up my packet and arrived in Bayfield around 4:30. We met up with some of my skater friends for dinner then headed down to the dock for some sunset photos. Got to bed around 10:30.

I didn't sleep very well but when the alarm went off I was up and at it! Got to the ferry dock by 6:30 and headed over to Madeline Island. The day could not have dawned any better - it was clear, and comfortable and sunny! I would get to skate the course on the Mayhems!

I didn't do anything I told myself I would do when I got there... I didn't put my headphones on. I didn't focus. I didn't take a jog - I dinked around and chatted with other skaters, stretched a little, put on my skates and got a quick little warm up. But since I had absolutely NO goals for this race, I felt completely relaxed. I had the pre-race butterflies but none of the anxiety I had in Texas. My plan was to take it easy, especially on the first lap around the course. Get warmed up, get a feel for it, and see how my feet/legs were going to hold out.

They lined the open fitness/rec women up separate from the men; I ended up next to a gal named Connie (she's on the left in the photo at the very top.) She was super friendly. She asked me what my average is, I told her around 16 so she said to try to stick with her. When we started off, I quickly fell in behind her and eventually a pace line formed. I think my first mistake was letting people in front of me so suddenly I was at the back of the pack. The guy in front of me had his feet all over the place so I gave him some extra space.

We were cruising along at a comfortable pace, I felt good and was enjoying myself. This course has a few hard right hand turns; two particularly nasty ones. When we came up on the first one, the entire line fell apart. It was like every man/woman for themselves ALL OVER THE PLACE and they all started braking! I PANICKED. I thought the line was supposed to go through the turn as a LINE - get low and ride it through. I somehow managed to round the corner without taking anyone out, and the line re-formed. I was pretty shaken up! Then we came up to the SECOND hard right - SAME DAMN THING, only this time I almost crashed into the guy in front of me. I was thinking WTF are you people doing??? I was really shaken up after that, had an adrenaline rush so strong my legs were trembling!! I dropped back and out of that line and pretty soon another one came along so I tagged up with them.

I rounded the first lap and glanced at the time: 35 minutes. Continued w/ the paceline I was in. They were chatty and casual, and I just hung in the back (I need to stop doing that...) Anyway, we started coming up to that first turn again and I felt myself clench up and drop back. They went through it more uniformly and I relaxed. Same with the second turn. I finished out the second lap still tagging at the back of the line. Clock read an hour and nine minutes. Hmmm.

About halfway around the third and final lap, I decided the pack was too slow. I had plenty of juice and wanted to finish strong. So I kicked out and took off on my own. I was having NO foot pain, or joint/ligament/tendon pain; my muscles felt good so I figured I could at least finish strong. I rounded the corner and crossed the finish line. I have a couple of blurry photos of myself but I'm very happy to see that I'm down pretty low - so I'm finally starting to get that down at least!

Coming around on my first lap.



 Sprinting towards the finish line.

My official time was 1:37:25.0, I placed 2/8 in my age division, 5/59 overall women and 153/317 overall skaters. I was actually very surprised and very pleased with my placement; especially considering that I didn't feel as if I pushed myself as hard as I could have! I had a wonderful time meeting new skaters and spending time w/ my friends.

I made a lot of mistakes in Texas, and that race actually made me re-evaluate a lot of things in the weeks that followed. I know that skating Texas at the pro master's level made me put a lot of pressure and expectation upon myself. I did not like how I felt prior to that race, nor how I felt when it was over. I started too hard too fast and ended up straining my MCL, which in turn made my form go to crap - which caused me to tear up my ankles and feel frustration. I don't care about how I placed at that race, I didn't FEEL like I skated a good race. I didn't have as much fun as I usually do. I forgot that skating is supposed to be fun. I had fun at Apostle. I had no pressure, no expectations and no disappointment. The main mistake I made at Apostle was how I skated in the pace lines. Of course, I wasn't the only one making mistakes there otherwise our line would've taken those right hand turns as a fluid line instead of a free for all of flailing arms and legs and brakes!! I do need to work on being comfortable skating with other skaters, it's just so hard to do as skater who trains solo....

I did get a chance to meet a few of the skaters from the Speed Weasles in Ft. Collins - what a friendly bunch of skaters. Maybe I'll make the trek up north so I can skate with them!!!

All and all, Apostle was a fantastic experience. I had a blast! Next up - Napa Valley on July 8th!!!

The dock in Bayfield 6/14/12. Stunning.